escapist

THIN vs FAT

2007-01-17T02:22:00.000+08:00

guyssss!

guess what i've seen from my peer's usual forwarded mail? well you can see it for yourself. I hope you will be able to define the beauty of being fat or fleshy.

this is a good shot. i feel the intention behind it is actually promoting the beauty of being fleshy than being so bony.

hmmm. the disillusion of bony beauty.

if fats were to be stuffed inside her, the situation would change. the bones just spoilt it all.

her head is too beautiful to be resting on an freaking thin body full of visible bones.

no figure at all. again, bones add no curves to her. must she starve herself until like this? i'm beginning to feel sorry for her. i aint being sarcastic but feel that she should deserve a better body!

u know what i'm gonna say right? yeah bony body. so bony that she looks like a skeleton.

okay, i think some of you may have different opinion that being thin is still better than being fat. okay okay, sure you can think whatever you want. i had just shown you how being too thin can be too ugly. i just hope girls out there, dont starve themselves to reach this stage! if there is such a thing as getting-stuffed-up-by-fats plastic surgery, then yes, i will surely recommend these skinny ones to go for it! but sadly, i dont hear anything like this before...anyone who knows of this such thing does exit or not? if yes, just come up right front of me and tell me straight to my face, my ass!

wahahaha.

and one more thing, to all overweight people out there, please dont be offended by my words. you may find them sarcastic but i meant well. you are unique no matter how big and heavy you are. someday if you are determined, you can really lose weight with strict and faithful daily diet! most importantly, do keep your BMI in check! i sincerely wish all the best of the best especially to bee, nam and kam! they are big sized people but they are really nice fellows! i strongly believe one day they will become as small as us! they will be even more beautiful if they were much smaller BUT for now, they are very cute and adorable in their current size! i mean it. i bear no grudge against big sized people. no worries. i will still love them to bits! haha.

eh, bee, nam and kam, no offense taken ok! i care about u guys and definitely believe u guys actually beautiful in your own way! ;p

SCHOOL

2007-01-08T10:03:00.000+08:00

first day of school but last term of school.

how should i start with? okay let me start with this morning.

i was actually alert the whole night before; i chatted online with peeps. there's something inside me which very much wants to run away from the reality of school starting already. i know i know i'm being naive by having this kind of attitude, but stil, tell me, who doesnt have this attitude?

no doubt.

and when my peep finally sorta succumbed into the reality of having to sleep and get ready for school the next day, i was left alone to digest the fact of school. SCHOOL again! aarrrrgh. so offline she was. i forced myself to switch off the pc. i was actually very bored, i kept on looking for online games which aroused my interest and to distract myself from fucked up portfolio! finally i managed to complete it and i occupied myself with silly online games, refusing to bow to the fact of school! but...haiz. i still bowed down to it in the end and went to sleep as usual - 3am. i couldn't sleep straight away and i honestly dont know how i fell asleep!

a nudge woke me up with irritation in early morning. it was from my mother who had gotten up early religiously everyday for work. then i just went back to sleep automatically. i guess she knows my sleeping pattern and had given up hope on me already!

next was my grandma who gave me a harder nudge and i woke up real good this time but again, i gave into tiredness and the comfort of my bed made it even harder to resist. it was already nearly 8am then.

a few minutes later, my eyes suddenly opened fully and i remembered school starts at 8am! so i jus dragged myself out of bed, cursing the school with endless foul words.

then i had to fall asleep in the bus while waiting for nazi's reply.

woke up feeling so blur and unstable. aiyah, just woke up will be like that what la. walked slowly towards studio and sat down and talked a little to nazi who was doing her portfolio. i just watched, not being aware of time until she mentioned 10am which is so early. yeah right, sooo goddamn early for i usually would be in bed snoring away at that time.

well, it's what school life is all about. time seems to be the main factor affecting us so much. right now i'm bored hence this senseless blogging.

*yawn*

BOREDOM

2007-01-07T19:38:00.000+08:00

i aint into blogging nowadays.

and to make it seem worse, today is the last day of vacation. yes, there's goddamned darned portfolio to do! oh well, i spent most of my time staying at home, hanging out with old pals to do some much needed catching up and not to forget my guy whom i dated with during weekend!

honestly i do enjoy vacations very much to an unlimited extent as one can just do whatever crap one desires to. however one can die of boredom. ahhh, i suddenly don't want to talk further on this senseless topic. hahaha.

oh and i happened to come across my pals' blogs and chanced upon this cute IQ test! i thought it was gonna be somewhat interesting and unique, however while doing it, my brain was really doing some serious exercise! i didn't think i would encounter such mathematical questions which required some brain exercise activity. all i thought was the questions which would test your wits in an easy humourous way? haha. i must say i was really doing my brain some good! as i have not done proper sums like the ones in secondary school for a very long time. hence my brain had grown very rusty as i find myself calculating slower than my younger brother, who is currently studying in business course in SP. oh my god. i felt like losing face! but thanks to this IQ test, it gained me an upper hand over him who got some points lower than mine! now let's see if he dares belittle my slow calculation! hahaha.

hmm, before i took this test, i expected it to be about 120plus as i had taken one back in primary school. i can still remember the experience which took place in a big room (i was small in size that time so the room was big to me) and i was greeted by a indian plump woman in her late thirties to early forties. she led me to a table and a chair to sit down, instructing me to do a paper test of 40 questions within 45 minutes. i can't really remember if it was 40 questions within 45 minutes, but i recall that while doing the test, i was literally shaking with nervousness, my palms were cold and sweaty and the darned pencil kept on slipping out of my gripping hand! and there's that disguisting smudges on the paper made by my sweaty hand! the woman kept on staring at me grimly as if i had committed a grave mistake with that smudges. i also had that strong inevitable urge to shit! my stomach was like so tensed up and naturally triggered the feeling of wanting to shit! oh and i forgot to add that i actually perspired at my forehead! hahaha. really freaking nervous eh? it was such an unforgettable experience!

okay, i took another test for fun! here it is!

i don't know if this is true about me. but on second thought, it is perhaps quite true on the statement about my ability to make new friends and expand my social network. i do find that, making new friends is a breeze to me. i'm easy-going, i admit. haha. oh yes, i also did another silly test for fun!

haha, so this is so true in my real life eh? yes it's very true man. very accurate huh? it seems that i really love taking such tests eh? maybe out of boredom or for the fun of it!

i shall end here then!

RAIN EXPERIENCE

2006-12-25T15:11:00.000+08:00

supp guys!!

i was away from blogging for some time. i was enjoying my holidays then.

wild partying with peeps yet busy with holiday assignment. man. it's christmas today! hahaha. so i guess everyone must have been partying wildly past few days? perhaps to say, shopping like mad, grabbing the big discounts? must be man.

just to share a little something here.

yesterday i went to my usss sch mate's birthday bash with my best friend and other two guys who we haven't keep in contact for so long. we met them and had hard time finding stupid shuttle bus to ahola chalet! oh man. it was raining then. we even had to run to catch the shuttle bus when one of us found out that shuttle bus goes to our destination! so we were like overtaking each other while running in the rain.

i was the only one lagging behind as i was wearing goddamned slippers! hahaha, i was like trying my best to secure my foot safely onto the wet ground with water puddles gingerly, not caring how cold the water puddles splashed upon my heavy steps, gracefully flowing all over my whole foot! it sure felt so cold! but it was absolutely fun running in the rain without an umbrella! i was just chuckling away softly to myself. and yes, we finally rested our drenched bodies in the shuttle bus! on the way, we were chatting away and kept on looking out for the chalet.

at last we reached the place but again, we had a hard time tracking down the block unit number in the rain. again, i didnt know that i stepped so heavily onto the water puddle when i was busy trying to squeeze myself under the umbrella which my best friend was holding then. then yes man, my foot was washed cold into the deep water puddle! it felt as if i was at a beach with seawater flowing over my foot up to my ankles! oh my gawd. i was already drenched!

then we tracked down the exact block unit number of the chalet and were greeted by the birthday gal. then we went in and made ourselves home. afterwards it was quite boring...just the usual chatting. then we went home at night. actually we missed the last shuttle bus so we got a lift from my ex-teacher's sons who drove us and dropped us at places near our respective homes.

well, i guess that the party bash was quite boring as i dont know the birthday gal well. she invited me and my best friend on account of my ex-teacher. but it's alright. at least i enjoyed the rain experience! hehe.

LAST CRIT

2006-12-14T23:25:00.000+08:00

hmmm.

just felt like sharing something which i've experienced for the last time in my life. my last crit.

it went alright, in fact it was much shorter compared to all of my previous crits, lasting at least twenty mins. it was barely twenty minutes, it was only about between ten and fifteen minutes. i wrote so much about my concept and its elaborations, just to receive little questions and massive comments.

usually i would be questioned more than receiving comments. however this time, they seemed to understand my concept easily when they commented on this and that, tallying with my concept. their few questions were merely on the areas which they wanted to know, like what areas in which positions and the circulation. i could answer all questions easily with my own stand and thankfully, when i was wanting to illustrate my reasons, my panels had the pictures as if it was god-sent to support my reasons. in fact, this didn't happen in my previous crits! i must say that i was lucky this time! hehe.

*thank you, my lucky star for giving me what i needed to back up my explanations*

and i don't know why the lecturers are alot more lenient than before. well, let me trace back our conversations...

martin: ramp stepping up or going down then will reach the film area or suicide area?
me: *pauses for a second, kinda puzzled why he asked that question* ramp stepping up to film area then another ramp going down will reach suicide. *shows him the partial model*

puay toon: *speaks to me while tracing out the area on my panel* is this RAN? is this suicide? is this films area?
me: *nods my head and says yes very softly everytime*

martin: are these the materials? *points to the perspective on my panel*
me: *shows him the puzzled look*
puay toon: oh, he means that, where are your materials?
me: oh! *shows both of them my material board*
martin: yes yes... * looks at material board and goes mumbling okok*

olivia: *cuts in puay toon's conversation abit abruptly* peilan, where are your details from?
puay toon: *he thought i didn't understand so he wrote on white board, asking me for the details source*
me: *shows them the details from the floor plan*

chinleng: *nudges me gently, asking to see my 2 models which i had been holding on for explanation*
me: *hands him the models gingerly, glad to have free hands as i was kinda struggling to hold them while explaining via writing on white board and gesture same time*

olivia: ok, but is your screen a screen or a wall? how thick?
me: ah...no not screen...a wall, 50mm thick.
olivia: 50mm only? wall? so thin? *bursts into laughter, influencing martin and puay toon to chuckle at me* no, it should be 100mm thick wall...

alexis: *cuts into olivia's conversation* is your "screen" actually a gypsum board?
me: oh yes, that's the one!
alexis: olivia, her screen is actually a gypsum board!
olivia: oh! peilan, u can use 9mm, 12mm or 16mm thick gypsum board not 50mm thick! *laughs again*
me: *giggles sheepishly and nods same time*

chinleng: your circulation is very good and clear, but too many walls for panels display. later people will get dizzy when they turn around and around... *pretends to shift his head and act dizzy, then bursts into laughter with olivia, puay toon, martin and alexis who had been listening to him all this while*
me: *giggles at chinleng's humourous act*
puay toon: i agree with chin leng, too many walls...*still chuckling*
me: *nods while giggling*

olivia: ok, finished... *the rest went back to their seats*

alexis: *hands me the notes-taking paper and smiles smugly* (it's because yixian supposed to be my notes assistant but she didnt understand what was going on so i had to record down all the comments made by lecturers on the white board)

well, i handed alexis the notes-taking paper after recording down and packed everything with a light heart and i was just slacking around watching wee soon's crit when my guy smsed me that he just ended school! it was only 3.30pm i guess. so early man. it added to my light mood and i headed down to catch him at macs and went home together!

hahaha. what a light-hearted day it was for me!

HELLO GUYS

2006-12-13T01:37:00.000+08:00

hellloooo guys!

well, i bet that some of you who used to frequent my blog, must have left already...no longer a fan of my blog eh? *sad*

hahaha. okay man, i know i know i haven't blogged a very long time since the launch of T3B! yeah man, i tell u, i was in no mood to blog then.

i was very busy with the T3B then. yeah man, i had given up on T3B, i jus did everything within my means to at least fulfil the basic requirements. oh well, i really hate this stupid clifford pier project man. it just sucks big time!

and to this stupid fool who invented this clifford pier project, please, don't u think u came up with a lousy project for us to work on?

did u even do research on this clifford per?

did u even think how good it gonna do to us?

did u ever tried putting yourself in our smelly shoes?!

did you even try to come over to classes and checked on our work progress?

did u even tried to help us by not changing the submission requirements anytime you wished?

did you ever consider our difficulty when you just posted that stupid bloody last minute submission changes about panels and tod on SUNDAY the day before submission?!

did u ever thought how inefficient you can be in your capacity as a lecturer?!

did u ever try to understand our work?!

let me answer all the following questions - the answer is an obvious NO.

you failed your job as a lecturer, honestly.

u made us hate you to the core, cursing you till we couldn't find any worse words to curse you to death, we couldn't even fight back knowing that you would be the winner in the end by changing submission requirements anytime, you were never in the right, we had more than enough of u all this while. just shut up for once will u?! stop making submission changes anytime! but alas, u can't do it to us anymore as we will be leaving soon. boohooo!

a good thing is that we won't be seeing your god damned goldfish face so soon.

and good luck to these future younger DID batches who will be under him.

eh, did i sound too childish? hahaha. i heck care.

PSYCHO

2006-11-24T02:15:00.000+08:00

i should be sleeping right now u know? well, i dont know why im still awake. perhaps this gotta do with the habit of staying awake every night.

recently i had been keeping late nights till wee hours around 3-4am. and oh yes, 4am is the time which few people get up from bed for work.

duh, why on the earth do i say this, or even talk about it? no reason through. just being random.

right now i know i haven't blogged for some time and it's already irregular while my other peeps keep on updating theirs daily faithfully. okay, it makes me ponder. what, where, when, which and how the goddamned hell did they ever find time for their own daily rumblings?!

wait a half-second, i aint mad at them, okay. i was just cursing at the fact that they seem more free than me.

everyone is tired. so am i.

i sense it everyday especially when im at that bloody fuckin studio. however they dont seem exhausted as anticipated. instead they are either slogging away like mad or slacking away like as if there's tons of endless tomorrows for them.

and i just realised that im kinda into this psycho-philosophical state very recently. very soon, i will be fully into this mode. well, let me cite a very good example here. i actually cut small triangular-like holes of every arc stand of clifford pier, concourse. hahahaha. there, i told u yeah? that im gonna be psycho soon. honestly, let me clarify this fact with you guys - before i cut those small holes, i didnt think it was a need then. i simply auto-functioned. like auto cut whatever i see to be holes in the concourse.

psycho. pscho. psycho. oh did i miss out the "y" in the second word "pscho"? duh.

what the fuck had actually happened?

of course, i just laughed at my own true psycho-ness on the spot when my peeps pointed out to me that i cut those mini holes like mad. i think its cool to be psycho-ed.

ah! some of you would think it aint cool or whatever shit your wonderful human brain can come up with, simply to describe it.

there, didnt i tell u? that im falling into full-time psycho mode soon and naturally will say such "cool-psycho" stuffs.

o well. let me grab some sleep for now before i continue to function psycho mode afterwards, okay?

SOME PHILOSOPHY OF MINE

2006-11-09T12:50:00.000+08:00

something just appeared in my mind, forming links of links to it... let me gather myself for i'm lost in my thoughts, tangled together.

i was having a conversation with him when he mentioned about his buddy telling him stuffs of his buddy's friend.

okay, im sick of using the noun "buddy", so let's just call that buddy, A.
A told him her friend's stuffs which her friend had confided in her.

i thought to myself, does A even respect her friend? is A actually abusing her friend's trust in her when her friend told her? if so, then what is respect? does its value need to be conserved? or even its definite meaning from any dictionary? well, i checked the online dictionary and got this...

re spect [ri-spekt]

-noun

1. a particular, detail, or point (usually prec. by in): to differ in some respect.

2. relation or reference: inquiries with respect to a route.

3. esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.

4. deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect's right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly.

5. the condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect.

6. respects, a formal expression or gesture of greeting, esteem, or friendship: Give my respects to your parents.

7. favor or partiality.

8. Archaic. a consideration.

-verb (used with object)

9. to hold in esteem or honor: I cannot respect a cheat.

10. to show regard or consideration for: to respect someone's rights.

11. to refrain from intruding upon or interfering with: to respect a person's privacy.

12. to relate or have reference to.

there are many meanings of respect, however i had highlighted these bold maroon which carries the same meaning. well, im trying to show that A didnt acknowledge her friend's privacy rights when A spilled out her friend's stuffs to him.

from that incident, i was feeling so damn vexed because i was enlightened by the fact that we humans can actually deceive ourselves when we either say or promise that we can be good confidants to others. just what is respect in our human brains? are we actually horrible monsters who doesnt realise how others would feel if we were to spill their stuffs to others, while going around enjoying sharing others' stuffs with others?

through it was not my stuff, but A's friend's stuff, it is only right that i shouldnt get so excited over it. however i couldnt help feeling so pissed off with A when i put myself in A's friend's shoes! if i ever tell my own stuffs to a person who i trust, just to discover she had betrayed my trust in her, it would be so damn pissfying for me to contain it.

and i wont deny that im unlike a saint who practises respect. i do commit the same mistake.

it was only today that i realised that how terribly bad it can be if you ever find out one day that other humans know of your secrets and stuffs just because you told one human who you trusted the most. this is where there are links of links of links, as good as endless connections!

well, yes, just as you can guess it, im feeling so turned off.

why?

because he told me that it's all about being open and its common to tell others stuffs of others nowadays.

yes, i know, i know!

but!

it's but one thing to be extremely open about it, the other thing is but to show respect!

they are two different matters, being open to the extreme doesnt mean disregarding the respect for that person.

however he didnt seem to get my point...

oh well.

forget it man, i just realised that it's pointless carrying on a conversation with him who failed to grasp the essence of my emphsised words. perhaps, some of you would not agree with me and agree with him, thinking "what's the big deal about that" and so on...whatever so on as you define it.

i had just voiced out my stand clearly and that's what matters to me.

the rest is definitely up to you to decide.

THANK YOU MY BEST FRIEND

2006-11-03T02:57:00.000+08:00

this post is delicated to my best friend, censored. (censored is her nick)

and this text is in green color which is her favourite color.

thank you for instilling some sweet memories which we had since young. because all this while i had plain forgotten the old times we had.

i was too caught up with bloody never-ending projects in poly. it was only today that i checked out her blog which featured our 10 years friendship tribute as well as the commercement of my birthday. (my birthday was over - it was 2 days ago)

as i read her blog, i felt so moved and all the old photos brought back the memories which i gingerly savoured every single bit of it.

i knew her since the age of 9, in primary 3. we studied together, were classmates from primary 5-6 and took same PSLE, became classmates again from sec 1 - 4 and sat for same o'levels, and as Fate seemed to decree it an end of studying together, we finally had different tertiary education. it was indeed kind of sad that time for we had to cope with different environments and lead our own lives then. however we still managed to keep in touch and our friendship had never once weakened despite lesser time to meet and chat. perhaps it was due to our "strong" bond? i noticed that we can read each another's minds since young. so this factor could contribute to our long time friendship.

these photos which she had put up, had really moved not only my heart, but stirred my soul within me and brought out the child-like innocence hiding inside me all this while. i felt like a child once again, being so carefree and happy. i really felt like breaking down for once, after all the time that i had been so occupied with my tertiary life. i realized that i almost abandoned my old memories behind while pursuing current tertiary life of mine. it was all thanks to her that i'm able to gather my old memories and never abandon them behind again.

what i'm feeling right now; it's difficult to describe into words. even if there are such chim words to descibe it, it can never be described smoothly. it is only understood by the heart, only if one feels it.

i see myself in these old photos, i felt so silly and awkward and awfully glad to be able to reminiscense. these days, i was just a little girl, with a wildful and naive mind, and that dare-devil and heck-care attitude (which made everyone shoot their mouths off when they saw me doing the unexpected). now this very same girl who u know, is still the same a little except that she had matured alot ever since and the heck-care attitude still exists in her sometimes.

our long-lived friendship is something which i had never expected to flourish since primary 3 and it is still going on strongly. it is one of the best things which had happened to me in my life and i had been appreciating it all this while. to be able to have a person who can read my mind and share anything with me, is truly very consoling to know for i have earned a very precious friend in my life out of millions of millions of people in this world.

once again, i thank you for keeping our friendship bond alive and thanks for these photos! (through we may seem too childish and too ugly as children!) and i will be seeing you again for lunch later! =)

BRAIN MISSION

2006-10-26T04:50:00.000+08:00

tired.

exhausted.

burned out.

lethargic.

fatigue.

weary.

stale.

haggard.

worn out.

drained.

beat.

wow.

how amazing that i could think of so many words to connect to the basic word 'tired'.

what's even more atonishing is that i managed to ponder over these words despite being so tired.

brain mission accomplished.

REFLECTION

2006-10-12T13:39:00.000+08:00

it had been some time since i've blogged.

i just had no mood to blog then.

for no reason.

perhaps i find life even more boring nowadays.

as in having same daily routine.

however i had my share of fun with you guys ok!

oh well, on top of this, the change of lecturers may be the reason that i find school lifeless.

yet simultaneously, i don't really care for this is only our last semester.

suddenly everything is drawing to an awful, awkward end yet it feels so damn right.

3 years had passed so quickly.

departing is so inevitable and we will lead different lives.

everything just seems like a unrealistic dream, etched in my sub-consciousness.

what we've shared and went through together.

all will come to an end someday soon.

guess that it's what i call experience.

which is truly indescibable in few mere words.

it can only be felt deeply in heart.

from nursery to kindergarten, i didnt hesitate.

from kindergarten to primary school, i hesitated a little.

from primary to secondary school, i hesitated even more.

from secondary to poly, i finally hesitated.

why all the hesitation?

because i was facing each new life stage when i couldnt bear to leave my former life stage behind.

one day we all have to grow up which causes us to leave our previous life stage.

it's very saddening just to ponder over it.

over time, we were losing our child innocence and drastic changes were introduced into our life due to change of environment.

ahhh...i think i sound like some philosopher or a tweeny bit of a sociologist!

what's wrong with me?

i think i thought too much man.

but i rather call it self-reflection to check my real self.

and to be aware of my own ever-changing environment.

okay, i shall give all of us a break from my so-called philosophical self.

~ THE END ~

*a round of loud applause*

DULL TUESDAY

2006-10-03T10:12:00.000+08:00

damnit, i arrived ten minutes before 10am today.

i seem to arrive school earlier than others and it's so quiet right now.

it's raining and the studio is not that cold at all.

i was hoping it would be super cold the moment i went in.

instead it felt quite warm.

even my air-conditioned bedroom is much colder that i had to cover myself completely with my favourite thick blanket.

oh well, i just didnt want to go school in the first place.

because it's so boring, doing nothing in school.

others slacked as usual.

i wished that i could just stay in my own bed right now.

but here i am, sitting at the workstation...

SIGH!

BLACK MONDAY

2006-10-02T08:40:00.000+08:00

sigh.

siGH.

SIGH.

school just sucks anyway.

i came to school just 10 mins before 8am.

and i was thinking to myself, how could i possibly be so early unlike usual?

i practically left at 7.30am okay.

and it would take me about 45-60 minutes to reach my bloody destination.

well, yeah, i took a taxi as that stupid bernard (my guy) had been pulling a long face due to missing the usual bus.

it's all because of me who took my time.

then i wore a black face in early morning which irked him.

oh well, we having cold word war now.

forget it, i really don't care anymore.

i know we will get back to it, it's minor matter to me, no worries. =)

i'm just too exhausted, like as if i got no life like that since school resumed.

this is the second week, god, help me and bless all.

why did the first week pass in a twinkle of an eye?

sigh.

oh yes, let me share one of our cold word war this morning via sms.

tune in, please!

him: hey darling, sorry la. (i can't really remember what else he said as i only cared about his apology!)

me: please don't call me intimately, it turns me off and im sorry for this attitude of mine. in case i'm an irritant to u, let's not meet after school. i maybe going home early la. u take care la.

him: i just hate it when u show me this face.

me: ok la.i wore a black face this early morning la ok.i was hoping that u wld cheer me up but no.and u r worse when u have a black face-BLACKER.somemore u fiercer yet stil want say u hate to see my black face.yours BLACKER so go wash it till white la.

well, he didn't reply then.

guess he must be pissed off liao.

hahaha, who cares, i'm happy to be an irritant to him!

SIANZ

2006-09-26T13:00:00.000+08:00

7am; woke up and went back to sleep.

9am; met up with my guy under his block.

9.20am; boarded the bus to school.

10am; at studio.

11.20am; ate lunch - pasta.

12.57pm; staying stoned in front of pc.

haiz.

time seems to pass super fuck slow now.

i just wanna go home.

who wanna give the x-theque & x-museum a hoot?

anyone, please?

haiz...

*i don't give it two hoots!

LAST DAY VACATION

2006-09-24T21:36:00.000+08:00

today marks the last day of vacation.

1 month vacation aint enough!

arrgh.

i just know it.

damn.

damn, damnit, i just knew it from the start okay!

haiz.

but one good thing thru.

which is that we gotta spend last 4-5 months in horrible bloody DID.

after that, graduation.

speaking of graduation, we are to do portfolio up to expected high 80% - 100% standard.

otherwise no graduation.

can you please tell me, what is the fuckingly meaning of this?

what the fuckingly big time nonsense is this?

need portfolio to graduate??

my first time hearing that.

how come my peeps who graduated from SP had never mentioned similiar case to this?

you may say "different courses what!"

but hey, just think, to be logical, if i was in the science course which i had done alot of exploratory experiments of my own, i need to record down my every discovery.

and the problem is that i don't even need to create a portfolio of my every discovery in order to graduate.

okay, to be on the positive side, perhaps the lecturers either wanted us to showcase our best works hence used the graduation criteria against us, in order to force us to do our own portfolio, OR they meant well for us - we could use this portfolio as part of work resume in future.

but i rather digest the first factor than the former one.

for i only feel that they aint "friendly" enough to be our friends.

lecturers will be lecturers.

nothing more than it.

that's in my definition dictionary of lecturers.

POOR EYE

2006-09-22T19:31:00.000+08:00

right now, i realised that i had not been online for so long.

perhaps cos i have infected eye and i need to rest my eye badly.

eh, guys, my infected eye is actually smaller than the other unaffected one!

awww.

i look weird thru.

so please don't stare at my smaller eye when u see me in school ok?

stare at the bigger one please!

arrrggh!

i'm still on the medication to treat my poor eye.

eyedrops.

eye ointment.

eye pills for reducing swelling.

eye antiboitics for killing bacteria infection in eye.

SIGH.

don't console me please.

otherwise i will feel worse.

just act as nothing had happened man.

nono, later i will feel sad!

just show me concern, can already lah!

hahaha.

EYE

2006-09-16T11:45:00.000+08:00

hello!

just a short entry here before i leave home for my exercising date with my guy.

hmm.

nothing new happened recently.

ah yes, mentioning about my left red eye, yeah, it was affected since last year.

but to be exact, it happened once for a few days only last year.

until recently this year, i had a relapse.

i went to the doc's 2 weeks ago, who declared my eye condition mildly serious.

eyelid infection.

as my eyelid would feel itchy and turn pink like mosquito-bite-impression.

somemore it was swollen!

well, then she prescribed me some pills to relieve the swollening.

yeah my eye much better now,no more swollening but the redness had to appear in my eye.

but no pain honestly.

i had been applying the eye sterile ointment faithfully everyday, twice a day.

yeah it finally paid off.

however the redness still lingers there.

but hey, no worries, the redness is fading away slowly each day.

hopefully i will be fully cured!

and yes, i can still see ok!!

*smiles*

DNG PHONE

2006-09-14T13:01:00.000+08:00

hello thursday.

i dont know where to start.

i must admit that i had not been updating myself with others' blog that i didnt even know what happened to my best fren man.

it's about her sch life.

okay i shall not say it here as i respect her privacy but honestly, yesterday she asked me out for shopping today.

but i rejected her as i wasnt in e mood then.

then just now when i went to her blog and read it, realization dawned on me that i had not been updated.

on her sch life to be exact.

hence i changed my mind and smsed her to meet up later on after her sch hours.

yeah and there's another issue which happened the most recently.

it was yesterday man.

i met my darlin who lent me his newest phone.

guess what?

well, u see, my guy often goes for his own style and taste.

motorola RAZAR V3i.

Dolce & Gabbana.

yes, that golden phone.

his old phone died on him and he happened to love this golden phone very much.

yes, it was really expensive provided that he wanted to get it without plan.

approximately 700 bucks.

yeah, i'm using it right now since last evening.

but i have to return it to him this coming saturday.

hehe.

i must say that he was really very very generous enough to lend me for a few days!

he wanted me to explore the phone.

which i did.

and my opinion of this DnG phone is that it sucks initially as it's all motorola-functioned.

as mine is nokia-functioned.

hence i wasnt used to DnG phone.

just when i was about to remove the battery in order to get my sim card out to switch over to my nokia phone, the battery refused to move.

oh great.

i tried a few times.

very gently for the fear of spoiling the golden phone.

well, in the end, i gave up.

i was struck with this golden phone!

damn, if other people use this phone, they would probably be so glad that they cant get the battery out for the sake of having that DnG brand on the phone!

oh well.

i was really very mad then.

i hated the motorola-functioned phone.

i complained to my darling who urged me to get used to it.

so i was forced to be patient with it and i soon got used to it.

and now i know the functions already.

i can type sms as fast as before but it dont seem to follow up with my pace.

so guys, if u rather go for function speed, please choose nokia not motorola!

motorola is much slower than nokia in function speed.

hahaha.

okok no more such criticisms in case motorola-people get offended.

i admit i do like the motorola phone thru.

i feel different using it.

ah...the feeling of using flip phone, i mean!

hehe.

okay i dont know if i'll be back to update my blog.

it depends.

*grins*

FINALLY

2006-09-12T11:37:00.000+08:00

whoooo!

yes, i know i had not been blogging for quite some time already!

that my dear bee had asked me to update my blog.

hahhaa.

hmm, what had i been doing lately?

i had been...playing around everyday!

hahaha.

life slows down for me during vacations.

that's why i really love vacation to bits and i often get too carried away with it that i don't even feel like blogging!

hehehe.

yes, i'm happier now than during darned school term!

perhaps i get to have things my way totally.

it really rocks man.

anyway, to update you guys, i had been waking up so late everyday!

hehe.

lazybones!

but who cares, it's only a month that i can do this, once it's over, school comes already!

oh how i dread school!

well, my life nowadays revolves around my close peeps and former secondary school classmates.

ah, and not to forget my darling!

yeah, i happened to bump into some of my former sec sch mates recently and i was with my best friend that time.

yup, we had a good chat with them over dinner, followed by pool.

but we didnt play pool as we cared more about catching up with each other while others played pool.

we departed afterwards.

it was really a great feeling then.

the feeling of being able to relieve past good and bad times.

it invites laughter into the heart after facing such a hectic life in studies.

oh yes!!

tomorrow i will be meeting my darling boy for dinner and do abit of shopping for my sports wear so that i will be able to sweat all my body toxins out with him this coming saturday!

and i will get to eat macs for dinner!

hahahaha.

that's what i call life!

okay, for now, i know that my close peeps are occupied with their studies and stressed up.

i really wish them all the best and hope they can cope with it.

and i have to pray for myself already.

cos school is drawing near and nearer!

which is as good as facing "death".

bless me then.

YUMMY

2006-08-23T00:57:00.000+08:00

good morning, wednesday.

yesterday i went shopping at ntuc supermarket to get all the necessary ingredients for fried rice.

i'll be cooking fried rice for my bastard darlin this friday as his early birthday celebration!

yeah, i know it's easy to prepare fried rice!

haha!

hmmm, the ingredients are as following:

- garlic

- mixed veggies

- chicken sausages

- lobster balls

- fish cake

- eggs

i was considering minced beef (my darling's favorite), fish otah (his favorite too), crab sticks, canned sweet corn and button mushrooms.

however i realised that it may be too much hence i didnt get all these.

oh, did i mention minced beef?

well, accordin to my religion, i aint supposed to eat beef.

haha.

but i heck care.

i've eaten beef before.

it's delicious.

however for now, i've stopped consuming beef as i wish to respect my religion.

unless my darling offers me beef noodles!

only then i will eat!

hahaha!

otherwise i won't get beef for myself!

sigh, i'm a hopeless case.

hehehe.

FUN FUN

2006-08-22T14:50:00.000+08:00

as i had nothing better to do, i chanced upon bee's blog which featured the a-z stuff.

i know it aint true, but i did it for fun anyway.

haha, here i go.

*with couresty of kam & bee*

A- You like to curse alot.

B- You like people.

C- You're wild and crazy.

D- You have one of the best personalities ever.

E- Damn good kisser.

F- People adore you.

G- You never let people tell you what to do.

H- You have a very good personality and looks.

I- You have a fine ass.

J- Everyone loves you.

K- You are really silly.

L- you live to have fun.

M- one to have fun.

N- You are dead sexy.

O- You are one of the best in bed.

P- You are popular with all types of people.

Q- You are a hypocrite.

R- Fcukin Crazy.

S- Easy to fall in love with.

T- You're loyal to those you love.

U- You really like to chill.

V- You are not judgemental.

W- You are very broad minded.

X- You never let people tell you what to do.

Y- one of the best damn bf/gf one could ask for.

Z- Always ready.

okay, let's see what is mine...

P- You are popular with all types of people. perhaps so. perhaps not.

E- Damn good kisser. that's what my guy claims.

I- You have a fine ass. oh really? *blushes*

L- you live to have fun. yeah, everyone does! duh!

A- You like to curse alot. sometimes i do.

N- You are dead sexy. haha, thank you! thank you! thank you! *bows*

now it's my guy's turn!

B- You like people. most of the time yeah.

E- Damn good kisser. his kisses are so sweet.

R- Fcukin Crazy. YEAH. VERY.

N- You are dead sexy. haha, his ass is small and tight.

A- You like to curse alot. yes, he does. but i curse more!

R- Fcukin Crazy. need i say again?

D- You have one of the best personalities ever. .. .. .. .. ..

yeah i told you so.

i have nothing better to do.

WHEE

2006-08-21T19:36:00.000+08:00

WHEE!

today embarks my official vacation!

no school!

no shitwork!

no bloody lecturer!

no alarm clock!

WHHEEEE!!

playing online (yes!)

online msn (yes!)

waking up late (yes!)

sleeping anytime (yes!)

doing nothing (yes!)

watching tv (yes!)

WHHHEEEEEEEE!!!!

oh and i wish my darling all the best for his exams this week!

how i really love vacations to bits!

VACATION HAD CAME

2006-08-20T16:45:00.001+08:00

yeah bloody bitch vacation had started.

and guys, i didnt stay for makan last friday as i had to go to my best friend's house to learn cooking from her man.

yes, i do not know how to cook but i only know how to cook instant noodles, boil and fry eggs.

hehe.

very basic right?

and yes, i'm learning cooking for my guy's coming birthday.

he knows cooking.

i just thought of surprising him with this but he just anyhow guessed it right when he kept on pestering me for his birthday present!

ohmifuckinglygod.

i told him if i told him, it won't be a surprise anymore.

if i didnt tell him, he would pester me day and night!

oh gosh man.

but finally i droppped hard hints and he was too smart for his own good.

yeps, he got it right!

he said that i was soo sweet and he added that we could cook together then go out afterwards!

YAY!

oh and i had not been blogging everyday as i'm sick of blogGing, i admit.

hahaha.

but hey, i've just changed my blogskin as i find my previous one boring.

so this time, i hope that this new one will be refreshing to your eyes man.

hehe.

hmmm, talking about what i would be doing during the vacation, i aint too sure.

i jus know i need plenty of rest badly man.

after all screwed up previous weeks of no-proper-sleep mode!

well, for your info, i had been sleeping around 2-4am and rising up at 12-2pm.

oh gosh.

my body had adapted to the school craze mode.

i need to re-adjust it back to normal mode but it's difficult man.

really.

weeks of school craze mode, how to change within this 1 week?

sighz.

ah, one more thing new in my life is that i've got into touch with my ex-secondary sch mate, who just chatted with me online outta blue.

last time he didnt even say hi to me until recently, let's say last week when i was rushin for submission.

yeah he was the one who kept me company into wee hours until early morning while i was in craze-rush mode.

then we chatted for a week and i learnt from his close buddy who was my ex-crush as well as ex-sec sch mate, that he got a crush on me.

ohmigod.

i already made it clear to him that i'm attached.

he already knows it but i have a feeling that he's waiting for me.

however i already told him not to.

hmmm.

just leave it be.

no use trying to change it when he cant even change his mindset.

okay i'm done with him.

well, nothing much on my life nowadays.

only catching up with my beauty sleep.

haha.

i'm starting to appreciate freedom right now.

very much okay!

oh yes, i'm also helping my buddy in her art essays since i'm free now.

hahaha.

damn, it really feels so super bitchy good just helping others in their work man!

hahahahahaha.

CHEERIOS!

what a FUCKER

2006-08-16T14:16:00.000+08:00

i'm still having body dsyfunction.
hmmph.
these are what i mean by body dsyfunction:
lack of sleep
blurred eye vision despite specs
mind is in a whirl
frequent stares into the air
super slow response mode
sudden crazy outbursts
getting into high craze mode
loads of shit nonsense babbled
oh and yes, when that fucker shouted to us to keep quiet fuckingly few times during the fuck crit yesterday, everyone kept silent at once.
but due to body dsyfunction, i hated the way he looked when he shouted quiet.
so i jus purposely broke the silence by throwing the little model stairs onto the table which i had been resting at.
oh no, i made noises.
then nam nam beside me, hushed me to be quiet.
but i cared less.
let that fucker know that i AINT "blind" to know what the blooody fuck he was shouting at.
but that fucker didnt respond.
i heck care him.
i wished him to be fired on the spot and be packed off to his own home and never be granted a job to survive.
okay guys that's what i had been holding back since yesterday.

IT'S OVER MAN!

2006-08-14T04:53:00.000+08:00

at first it was censored freedom.

now it is UNcensored freedom.

yes, i'm finally free from the shit work.

today marks the submission day as well my first day of vacation.

yay.

i feel so lethgaric yet so happy that everything is just over.

and a month plus vacation starts.

i can feel its embrace every second ticks away.

i need to grab much needed rest now.

it's already 5am.

good morning guys.

COUNTDOWN TO SUBMISSION = 3 HOURS more to 8am.

BEAUTIFUL

2006-08-07T13:22:00.000+08:00

how perfect if my prince charming can just give me this with sincerity. however it was actually done by my love pal, bee in photoshop. thanks dear. i love you and the pictures!

WORN OUT

2006-08-03T23:52:00.000+08:00

this is a haggard peilan that is typing away right now.

she had grown blanched from all these shit workload.

no one knows when she will be able to snap out of it.

nonono, peilan, wake up!

u still have hope and u still have more than 1 week left!

really? do i?

oh shit, i'm in pain now.

in my tummy, it always hurts like a bitch.

i have to lean over to bear and hold contain the pain, thus making it so concentrated in one area instead of spreading it over to my chest.

no...it had spread to my chest.

im feeling weak.

i can't talk anymore.

HIGH

2006-08-01T00:06:00.000+08:00

im in some kind of high state now.

no, it aint that i drowned myself in alcohol, but just from lack of rest.

i was actually working away in my 2d drwaings in pc almost the whole day yesterday.

oh how great.

i had done productive work and i gonna continue doing in school later after my bloody fuck damned gems test.

oh yeah, gems test.

i spent 2 hours revising the whole 9 topics covered in the gems test.

and now my guy just smsed me that he's studying it now.

whooah, he really scaring me off for i'm so afraid that he would fare better than me!

oh please for god's sake, this is only a gems test, not some big exam so no need to get so parnoid, peilan!

yes yes yes, i heard it and i know it!

haha.

my guy just replied that he misses me.

i was shocked as he dont really whisper sweet nothings to me.

well, maybe he's trying to be romantic which is a good thing through.

haha.

he can be so hostile one moment then sweet the next.

how unpredictable, just like me eh?

hahaha.

okay, right now im really so tired that i cant function as fast as yesterday.

i need to rest now and get refreshed for that fuck gems test at 8am later.

but this means that i will be finishing this gems course very soon!

it is just like final exam, after it, you will be free!

wheee!

may good luck be with me during the test!

BACK

2006-07-31T00:23:00.000+08:00

im back.

i had no mood to blog about my life as i had been handling a small misunderstanding in my relationship.

but that was last week.

last thursday to be exact.

well, i will make it brief as i dont want to get too personal about it in case my guy happens to read this blog of mine.

haha.

it was like that - all because of his damned phone which aint workin properly.

i kept on texting and calling him but no response.

later i bumped into him at the library and waved to him.

however he seemed uneasy in front of his friends.

the best part was that bee and chunmeng had witnessed the saddest and shocking event.

which was that my guy simply didnt stay on to talk with me and went off with his peeps instead.

i thought to myself, how could he simply ignore my smses and calls and act as if nothing had happened?

so i just went after him and saw him chatting so happily with them, which made me sad.

but i still gathered my courage and touched his arm behind.

then he was shocked then i signed "five mins can?"

one of his peeps saw me and stood to wait for him.

but he told one of his friends to leave without him and the group left.

i could sense his embarrassment with my presence in front of them.

sigh, i was really very miserable then.

silence.

we just walked back to studio and i left with him early afternoon.

i questioned him just to find out that he didnt even know that i had been texting and calling him beforehand.

even when he was in the library.

no wonder he acted ignorant - he didnt know i had wanted to go home with him.

it was only an misunderstanding.

however i still feel kind of heavy in my heart.

just imagine - he can really talk with them freely without SIGNING.

perhaps im being too sensitive but i beg to differ.

for he had mentioned in a moment of anger that he didnt like to sign to me anymore.

that really hurt me deep inside.

does signing to me really bother him so much?

please.

im deaf and you gotta accept that!

what's bloody fuck wrong with signing?

i know you dont mind it but sorry i still cant forget that day when u showed your embarassment with my presence in front of your bloody fuck friends.

im sorry to criticise them but hey who is more important to you, me or them?

although you apologised for it, it can never seal up the cut u had given to my heart.

i really get so sad just thinking about it.

perhaps you aint mature yet.

u've yet to experience the reality in ns.

i dare bet with my life that you will change after ns.

just dont bet with me cos you will lose for sure.

just get ready for a change-over!

STRESS

2006-07-28T00:29:00.000+08:00

hi.

i won't be going jogging with my peeps later in the evening.

which is a disappointment.

as my current goddamned two projects had began to take a toll on me.

it's simply very weary, i tell you!

i'm way too tired and sick of this shit.

i honestly can't wait to finish this and welcome my 1 month plus vacation next month.

yay.

i do deserve this very much!

the same goes for my fellow did peeps!

did peeps out there, just hang on for 2 weeks plus more!

eh, mentioning 2 weeks plus, i suddenly don't feel like doing anything.

and i'm suddenly so scared.

time is running out.

and i'm still at my two projects unfinished.

but hey, i did some productive work just to console myself.

i just know i gotta work, i just know it okay, thank you.

don't ever mention the countdown to dreadful submission ever again.

A PANG OF REGRET

2006-07-27T09:31:00.000+08:00

just had a small friction with my guy.

i merely asked him how and why he finds that petite girl cute.

yet he didnt seem keen to share this with me and even showed me his temper.

not again.

we had just patched it up.

you are my everything.

you understand and know me the best.

you are pretty and sexy to me.

you are the one for me, dear.

that was what he said to me.

and i was tongue-tied for i had nothing to argue back.

i could tell he meant it from the bottom of his heart then.

yet right now, i'm beginning to doubt myself.

i don't doubt his words through.

had i made a terrible mistake of giving us another chance after previous numberous chances?

i really don't know how to answer that.

it had been haunting me since this morning friction.

i do admit that i did feel upset, but i chose not to let it bother me now.

because this is not even worse than the heart broken feeling.

the feeling of not being able to have shared your beloved's true opinions in a topic.

it sucks.

sighz.

was i foolish to open up my heart to him despite him hurting me often with his temper?

was i heading for trouble when i declared myself as his reason of his change in his temper?

was i terribly mistaken that he will never change his way of handling stuffs whenever he's angry?

right now i truly will not bother about him anymore.

he had gone too far.

he didn't consider my feelings in the first place.

i just can't understand him as he wanted it his way!

this is not the first time anyway.

i'm considering to part with him even if it means losing him as a friend.

maybe. maybe not.

MY SPEECH

2006-07-26T12:08:00.000+08:00

a good afternoon to everyone.

let me deliver an informal speech here.

for the past three days, i had been crying non-stop as i was really heart-broken.

everything of me changed totally.

which i thought to be for good.

i would cry alone in a corner, usually in my home toilet spot, buried in isolation.

i had wanted someone to be there for me who was never there for me.

and that someone is none other than the person who i love very much.

what triggered my heart to be broken was simply his hostility towards me whenever he is angry.

in fact he had repeated that many times - angry, hostility towards me, breakup, left me alone, then finally to come back to me after some time.

yeah i'm serious it's a goddamned heart-wrecking cycle.

i let myself sink into depression for few days till i woke up to feel much lighter today.

i honestly don't know why.

perhaps i had been crying my heart out for past few days already.

and today embarks a new life for me despite i'm not officially apart with him.

i smiled for the first time with my heart.

i was suddenly enlightened after having went through the painful process which seemed a long heavy torture.

i realized that i had let it go.

guys, who was once in the same plight as me, do go through the torture first for it's the most important process to enlightenment of the heart.

my dear friend, bee, warned me about having relapses such as having the sad feeling back after some time.

thank you for sharing this with me; i really appreciate you.

so let's see if i will have a relapse later but i truly doubt it as i no longer feel anything towards it.

*smiles*

yes, i'm a happy person now.

even if he wants to leave me for good and never be my friend, i'll be more than glad to let him go.

he can find a better happiness then.

i believe i had been his only happiness all along.

however there is always another better happiness waiting for him somewhere.

if i were to make the decision, i'll keep him untill he finds a better happiness.

i know some of you may be wondering why i'm thinking that way.

it's simply because i really love him from the bottom of my heart that i want to give him happiness until he finds a better one.

he aint a bastard in my eyes but a beautiful dark angel who conceals his kind heart and appear hostile.

i aint appearing noble or whatever.

it's what i truly feel.

love is the strongest drive of force when it exists in the heart.

i once lost faith in love, but now i built my own love and planted faith inside it.

thank you everyone for listening.

DEEP SORROW

2006-07-26T00:44:00.000+08:00

i was pressing enter and backwards in this entry just to stare at that scrollbar going down and up.

i know i'm depressed now.

even numb too.

i even don't know what is love anymore.

i have no more faith anymore.

i clung onto every glimmer of hope, having a feeling of possiblity to make it happen.

it seems so near yet so far...

you seem to drift away from me

remember the first time we met

you had plenty of time for me in the world

a few years later, you had no time for me in the world

no matter how hard i try to shake it off

i can't stand not being able to chat with you for all the time in the world

once our world

now my world alone

you won't even be an ordinary friend of mine even if we depart one day

why are you so cruel

i'm willingly to see you as my friend after we depart

yet you were firm

i just don't see the need to

on top of that, you even had no good reason for it

why must you run away from it

i just can't see it your way

for there's nothing to understand

in fact you were the one who i very much wanted to confide in

yet you are so distant despite our short distance

you were the one who i had ever dreamt of sharing my life with

yet you seem far away to share happiness with me

you were the one who i hold so dearly to

yet you broke my heart time again and again

you were the one who i really wanted

yet you had to make me hate you and love you at the same time

i was left stranded alone by you

weeping non-stop

never knowing when it will stop

why is it that you were never there for me

you were always buried in work

work seems more important than my heart

i'm sorry to say all these

but i really hate this

i only want to feel appreciated

just a simple message of romantic words from your heart will make me happy

to show me that you had been appreciating me all along

however i can only feel your hostility towards me whenever you were in anger

without hesitation

you shot me right in my fragile heart mercilessly

i was dead for good.

never to come back to you alive when you really need me.

TRUE LOVE

2006-07-25T13:54:00.000+08:00

guys, i'm here to recommend a stupid yet romantic movie.

it features kate and leopold who are poles apart in time factor.

kate's in 2001 while leopold's in 1867.

yet they are destined in love.

which ties them together despite the time gap barrier.

the stupidest part is was when kate jumped off at the brooklyn bridge at that certain time to return to 1867.

and found her lover leopold.

true love could be sensed.

for life.

HEART BROKEN

2006-07-24T21:16:00.000+08:00

now that all good things had came to an end.

good times are gone.

loneliness sets in the next.

the things we had shared so much for 3 years together.

the way you gazed into my eyes,

the way you held my hand,

the way you talked sweetly to me,

the way you kissed our hands together,

the way you smiled to me,

i can never forget them all.

do you know...

that you meant the whole world to me all this while?

until you said you didn't want sign to me anymore, didn't like sign anymore, find it troublesome to sign to me, and don't want to see me ever again,

you had delivered the deepest and most painful sharp stab right into my heart.

my love, do u know how badly it hurts?

i know you are no longer my love.

my love who i've loved and cared for so much,

is no longer mine.

now you find me a eye-sore,

i don't mean anything to you anymore,

even if i depart from this world one day,

you won't even give me a damn.

do you know i had been loving you unconditionally?

thru i tend to tell you that you had been neglecting me and stuffs.

i knew you loved me unconditionally too.

my heart is still the same, still loving you so deeply.

i cling onto every hopeless hope of having you back.

please, tell me if my hopes aint gonna come true?

you had told me you wanted to leave me for good.

so i did let you go with a bleeding heart.

i'm learning to let you go.

i'm picking up the shattered pieces you had broken my heart into.

and piece them together and a scar will be formed.

it will reflect our existed love history we once shared.

now i finally experienced a true break-up.

thank you for making it happen and leaving a permanent scar in my heart.

you were my history.

i don't know if you will be my future in time to come.

i seriously think it's all bcos of my blog entry that triggered our breakup.

once again, i stress that entry was nothing but just random thoughts when under stress.

but what's the use?

it doesn't change the fact that i've lost you for good.

i don't know if you are reading this for i have a feeling that you won't be back here.

this fact remains that i had loved you and will still love you in my heart in many years to come.

i'm afraid that i can't grow old with you in time to come which i had always dreamt of.

I LOVE YOU DARLING.

EATING DISORDER

2006-07-24T01:15:00.000+08:00

i have an eating disorder.

my breakfast had been replaced by late supper.

every day, lunch, dinner and supper.

lunch and dinner as usual but supper is between 11pm-1am.

my god.

breakfast is very important!

i only eat breakfast every monday morning as my mum always has time to prepare for me.

while tuesday onwards, no breakfast as mum has no time.

i hope to kick this habit after i graduate.

as i'll really re-organise my schedule.

sighz, i had been like that since i was in primary school.

no appetite in early morning, usually.

if i force myself to eat breakfast, i'll be vomitting afterwards.

my stomach needs some time to adapt to eating breakfast, which is difficult to achieve.

right now i stay up just to eat a generous piece of fruit cake which tasted sweeter than expected.

so sweet that i got sick of the sweetness and i didn't finish it.

left 1/4 of it.

i don't have a sweet tooth through.

and oh yes, in 7 hours' time, school will commerce with a blue monday.

oh how i hate monday blues when most of us would be waking up so late for school and never fail to miss the first morning lectures by alexis and larry.

but i'm going to school later for sure as i have to pass the printed report to my guy who needs it urgently.

the thought of waking up at 6am just sucks big time.

and yes, time's running out for two projects at hand.

which sucks the most.

i'm just gonna fulfil the very basic requirements only.

FLOATIING IN THE AIR

2006-07-22T23:25:00.001+08:00

i don't know where to start.

there are quite a number of things flashing through my mind right now, all messed up and processing simulataneously.

then emotions set in.

yesterday i went jogging with close peeps but i only jogged a short distance and chatted with my pal while walking briskly.

walking is better than jogging as it encourages more effective blood circulation as stated from health magazines.

afterwards, i went dining with my best friend and drank red wine with her shortly after.

which sucked big time as it was bitter and sour.

13% alcohol content.

i don't know if that's considered alot.

heck it man.

let's go onto next thing - today.

today started off with a last minute shock from my guy who had last minute change of plan.

that irritated me for i had planned to have my own space today.

oh well, i still let him come over my house to do his stuffs while i was super sleepy and forced myself not to sleep.

damn.

finally i managed to hurry him up so that i could sleep.

i slept in till dinner time.

i ate dinner while watching tv as usual.

haha.

that felt so good just idling around.

perhaps i had been burnt out from all fuckingly damn projects.

and i've started to appreciate free time.

then i had to fight with my guy.

all cos of the void feeling.

no sparks.

he neglected me over his heavy workload.

that's alright, i had never uttered a word of complaint then.

until now i had just told him honestly that i can't take it anymore that he aint there to share my stress or at least talk to me.

but he had to misunderstand me that i was asking for too much.

hello, i've helped you in your work stuffs like typing out and printing.

yet you can't seem to be a help to me when i badly need it.

moreover you seem to brush me aside when you are so busy.

any idea of how that felt?

it was truly making me feel down even more.

i no longer wanted to share everything with you.

then you had to say break up.

i really don't know why you kept on saying break up whenever i say i feel neglected by you.

is it that you can't stand me anymore?

is it that you really have no time for me?

is it that you can't be too bothered to listen to my heart?

is it that you've changed?

however i believe that we have our own hectic schedules.

but surely was it wrong of me to tell you how i feel?

perhaps i had not fully understood you.

perhaps i'm too tired to understand you.

perhaps i can't really understand you despite the efforts i've put in for you.

all i feel now is only negative-ness towards our relationship.

it is more or less settling down.

when i suggested to put our relationship on hold for awhile due to work, you took it as a breakup.

what's this fuck you're giving me?

do you even understand both terms of short break and a break-up?

please, they are both very different.

you really kind of broke my heart to know that you really think of me that way.

when can we ever sit down to fully understand each another?

we never had the time to.

you were too caught up in your own work.

perhaps despite being good and faithful to me, you kind of failed to understand my heart.

i'm afraid i can't live with this kind of guy in future.

anyway you don't really know my blog and you won't be reading this.

even if u knew my blog, you won't really read it to understand my heart for you don't like words.

the kind of guy who i once knew, was really very understanding and patient and willingly to listen to my heart.

yet this same guy who i knew, had turned into a domineering guy who is very ambitious and moving too fast for me and neglected my heart at times whenever buried in work.

just thinking about it, can make my tears come out.

my heart is screaming for the old you to come back.

but the old you didn't seem to come back.

the new you had taken over.

i really don't know what to do.

cos i just realised that my heart may not be able to keep you for long.

i didn't mention this to you for i don't want to hurt you.

i'm really trying my best to keep on loving you but you seem to cut it short everytime.

it takes two hands to clap.

i'm so afraid of stopping loving you one day.

i don't want to stop loving you.

TOLL

2006-07-21T11:35:00.000+08:00

this is my true thought as well as my comment for nazi's blog entry. enjoy.

high five!
we are both in the same boat man, being in the process of what the toll had taken on us. haha. yeah i can understand the true feeling of being burnt out. cos we had been having sleepless nights, rushing for submissions for almost 3 years straight, so naturally we will tend to be on the verge of breakdown.
but faris said to me, "enjoy stress". i think he was trying to tell me to take it easy since outside working world is actually tougher and harsher.
oh well, i even don't know if i will take up a job according to interior design. maybe not. cos i just know how it works, and it's actually very stressful and your work schedule would be packed just like the famous architects in the past. surviving on take-aways or even skipping meals most of the time. on top of that, no regular sleep, which is bad for health. i really wonder that should we sacrifice our health to that extent of health deterioration? It's so f*ckingly stupid, u know?
if everyone were to do the same, i'm damn sure that there would be great chaos in singapore and even in other countries! then good bye to the world already. cos no one will survive the health deterioration when it gets too serious.
haha, i've gotten it off my chest! it feels so much better! i think i gonna post this in my blog for it's my inner feeling!

TRUTH HURTS

2006-07-20T01:45:00.000+08:00

let us welcome morning.

coolness and stillness in the air.

and i really don't know why i'm having sleepless nights.

maybe i really can't sleep.

or something else occupies my mind.

i was actually happy a moment ago but suddenly got angry shortly after.

mood swings.

but what triggered this is from an online conversation with my friend just now.

the more i think about it, the more i feel betrayed.

it stabbed me right in the heart.

for a moment of hurtness, i couldn't digest the truth.

to think that i had been led on.

yet i'm beginning to understand more things.

they all fall into one big picture.

they all fit in beautifully yet there's more to it.

the initial picture i knew, is no longer a complete picture.

for i know there is always a bigger picture behind it.

and i've yet to find out the WHOLE thing.

oh well, right now i'm just feeling disappointed.

cos i've found out what i'm supposed not to know.

but it aint a very bad thing through.

however i just cant help it as i'm related to it indirectly.

it had happened last year yet it seems like years since i learnt the truth.

my illusion had been leading me on all this while.

i don't know whether to smile or cry.

smile that it had happened and move on.

cry for i had been led on.

it's obvious that most peeps would choose the former option for me.

but i truly feel so betrayed and i'd rather opt for the latter.

perhaps i let myself be betrayed unknowingly when i was indulging myself in illusion.

only until today, i was shaken outta my illusion.

i thought i knew everything.

but i was terribly wrong.

is it worth knowing the truth?

the truth always hurts.

i had been deceiving myself unknowingly.

let me be sad for now.

TAGBOX

2006-07-19T13:35:00.000+08:00

The winner will be -

flashbox (i'm far more than beautiful, than cbox)

cbox (yawns it's obvious who's the winner)

Results: Tagbox

pals, the majority will decide the final winner. meanwhile, i'll retain both flashbox and cbox for 1 month to allow votes to be generated in a fair way.

BURNT OUT

2006-07-18T20:34:00.000+08:00

phew.

it was sure time-consuming to alter this latest blogskin to perfection.

oh and i'd like to thank kristy for creating this skin while honing up her skills in photoshop.

thanks, kristy and i love this skin.

i have another source of blogskins - kristy!

but hey, it depends for she will be busy in advance.

nevertheless, i've managed to use her skin and it's such an honour.

okay, talking about shitwork, i'm really lagging behind!

gotta commit suicide very soon.

suicide, anyone?

ATTENTION!

2006-07-18T10:08:00.000+08:00

pals, i have added in another tag from cbox.

haha.

this is to let these who can't access to the flashbox, be able to have another alternate tag!

oh my, isn't it an awfully good idea?

are you rejoicing now, especially nazi and jas?

haha, it's cos they kept on complaining to me about my flashbox man.

that darn flashbox kept on loading and refreshing repeatedly in front of me in the pc.

so irritating.

haha.

and yeah, cbox is here to save you from all these goddamned waiting and frustration.

wah, i sure sound as if i'm serving you up to standard eh?

ensure that you guys have a good time at my blog and stuffs.

hahaha.

CHANGE OF SKIN

2006-07-18T01:14:00.000+08:00

good morning to all.

i'm going to sleep soon after this entry.

yeah, i just changed my blogskin as the bloody black blogger box at the above had became more than an eye sore to me each time i visit my own blog.

now this one is far better!

it just seems to match well with the black box at the least man.

and my dear pals out there, i sincerely apologise for the failure of loading and refreshing the tagboard!

i honestly don't know what is the real big bloody problem with flashbox.

nevermind, just try to bear with it for awhile.

i may consider switching over to cbox as it's cool yet limited cute smileys and who knows, it may filter out vulgarities.

damnit.

i want freedom of speech including the vulgarities please.

haha.

that's me, alright.

LAME ME

2006-07-17T14:32:00.000+08:00

hi.
bye.

that's what i learnt today from school when i interacted with the lecturers.

lame.

my mind is blank; only faces of people who i've seen in school today.

except bee.

she didn't turn up today.

bee, where are you?

when will you come back to me?

oops.

we are not together, please.

i was sprouting nonsense.

SHOOT HERE!

2006-07-16T15:30:00.000+08:00

What will you do if your T2A & T2B kena shot by the bloody lectuers?

nod to whatever the nonsense they bitch at you.

shoot them back, what else?! (crawls away into a small mouse hole)

tell them to their face that they had better shut up since it's your own work; they have NO right to critcise you.

try to think of ways how to "fire" them through the DE director's authority. (ha-ha!)

ignore them and just pack up all your stuffs.

quit DID.

commit suicide. (the best yet the stupidest way out for me!)

Results: DID shitwork stuffs

WEE HOURS

2006-07-16T02:32:00.000+08:00

what's all about this adidas blogskin, you may wonder?

well, it's nothing actually.

i just love this adidas skin.

haha.

and i kind of feel that it sucks to a certain extent that the black blogger section at the top, spoils it all.

oh well, must i really change my blogskin again?

sighs.

not at the moment as i had just changed it man.

oh, please spare me.

i've lost my beauty sleep over this.

haha.

right now, i'm just chatting with louisa and kristy online.

hehe.

(to louisa: hey my shifu, yeah i just want to say i love you! haha!)

(to kristy: you really came online at 2am?! ohmigod. okay, i can say that u were damn lucky to have caught me online before i went offline!)

HOME

2006-07-15T13:32:00.000+08:00

how good it feels right now, just lazing in my own chair in front of pc.

well, yeah i aint out right now; i had planned to stay at home as my guy's coming over my home to use my pc, yeah.

okay for this entry, i will cut it short.

now pals, i don't know anything about work.

still no mood though.

damn.

PRETTY TIRED

2006-07-14T08:18:00.000+08:00

halo pals!

i had just arrived at the studio!

haha.

well, not many peers at the moment.

but i guess they will be here shortly after.

haha.

took a taxi here man.

woke up late at 7am this morning.

and left my home by 7.45am.

now i'm super bored and sleepy.

my head don't feel so right too.

slight dizziness and heaviness somewhere here and there.

sighz.

and my shit work is still hanging into the air, unfinished and untouched yet.

what the fuck.

and i'm supposed to start on another project together with this bloody project.

the best part - they are both due on same day.

oh great. oh so how great man.

i want my life back, you idiot lecturer!

i don't want to slave anymore goddamned blooody shit for you again.

not ever again...

GOODMORNING FRIDAY

2006-07-14T01:16:00.000+08:00

hello.

whaat?

how come i'm still here?

haha.

i stayed awake to text my guy to keep him company while he does his work.

it's alright to me as it's my habit already.

and today is friday when i'd be reporting to bloody lecturers at the blooody studio later on.

only 7 hours more to the start of school.

oh and i'm pretty tired.

but i'm in a good mood today.

hahaha.

i seriously don't know why.

nono, i seriously can't tell you why!

hahaha.

okay, a hint here - someone had sent me smiling non-stop.

and no, he's not my darling boy, but someone else.

there you see, i told you that i can't tell you who!

*double laughter*

okay okay, just to be half precise, he's my dear pal from secondary school days.

hey i'm not obliged to say who exactly he is!

hahaha.

i've already let it out more than intended.

DILEMMA

2006-07-13T23:26:00.000+08:00

ummm.

i don't know if i should change my blogskin again.

in fact, this current blogskin which is my favourite, is my 4th skin which i had changed to.

ohmifuckgod.

i cant believe that i keep on changing blogskins after a week plus.

i admit i do get sick of seeing the same blogskin everytime i navigate mine.

haha.

and bee's another good example besides me.

she kept on changing hers too, okay.

oh and back to the topic of changing my blogskin.

i was asking chunmeng on his opinion on the change.

he commented that i should keep this current one for now as it looks nice through, and i can change it at a later date.

but my heart keeps on urging me to change blogskin cos i've found a lovely one!

however i'm afraid that it may not appeal to all.

as it reflects a feminine style in the blogskin.

way way more feminine than my current one.

and it's simply soft pastel red of various shades incorporated together, making the whole outlook gorgeous.

oh well.

should i change it? just wait and see. i might. i might not.

LOVESICK

2006-07-13T12:07:00.000+08:00

damn it.

i had actually typed a entry jus now ok.

yet it just disappeared magically when i had barely pressed the backward key!

oh well.

forget it.

today i skipped school as i've overslept again.

arrrgh. why this bad habit of oversleeping!

oh and i was talking about that idiot lecturer.

he and his so-called requirements which are so like bloody fuck.

well, forgive me pals, for talking bad about him here but i really can't help it ok.

he's full of nonsense and unrealistic bullshit la.

fuck la.

he expects us to do according to his standard.

what standard?

where got ar?

bitch.

everything will just spill outta my mouth without any thought of proper english interpretation.

hahhaa.

okay i think i've gathered myself man.

and yes, i'm having a headache which won't go away!

awww.

and oh yes, my darling will be coming over to my home this saturday!

hooray, i can "disturb" him while he does work at my pc!

hahaha.

how i miss you, my baby darling.

NOT-INTO-THE-WORK-MODE

2006-07-12T12:59:00.000+08:00

i wake up to feel the coolness brushing against my body.

yes, today's weather is cool after raining in early morning.

haha.

it marks a good day for me cos no school.

yippee.

but alas, there's a model submission tomorrow.

sighz.

and i still don't know how my exterior looks like!

heck man.

now i'm hungry!

i gonna gorge lunch now!

and don't mention model, it aint gonna change my holiday mood right now man.

i don't know when i can switch over to work mode.

hahaha.

MY GUY AND I

2006-07-11T22:20:00.000+08:00

i'm sensitive.

absolutely more than you thought.

very sensitive.

it all started with a mere chat with my guy.

i was feeling weary that time so i just vented my frustrations which i had from sch work, on him.

my tone switched from usual sweet pitch to a real nasty attitude.

that caught his attention, which prompted him into coaxing me that he'd be there for me and talk to me until i feel better.

however i just had to push it further by rubbing it in even more.

which seemed to declare the last straw for him.

he got angry, used his fierce spiteful tone against me.

that pinned me down and my frustrations seemed to disappear instantly.

confusion, anger and misery set in.

i tried to contain it but it was so hard to do so.

somehow, i managed to, but my tears were on the verge of coming out.

i let them slid down, wiped them off before they reached my cheeks.

i guess it's all cos of my period that causes my mood swings.

however my guy seemed to try cheering me up with his lame riddles.

and yes, that lightened my mood a little which was good.

i gradually smiled and started enjoying myself with him and his lame stuffs man.

haha.

looks like he's my baby darling who loves me as much as i love him.

I DON'T KNOW

2006-07-11T16:46:00.000+08:00

i'm here in this sp library, blogging away.

god man, i just cant seem to stop blogging away man.

haha.

well, i just saw my guy pacing up and down in library man.

i waved to him and he saw me.

however he had to leave already as he had to get back his bag.

haiz.

what the heck man.

i thought he could stay here and chat with me.

sighz.

i'm so mad now!

hmmph!

talking about my work progress, god man, don't want to talk about it already!

cos i'm still behind time.

damn bitch.

i'm supposed to be done with bloody shit t2a by now.

but now i'm barely at the end of the beginning phase.

it's simply the start of the beginning.

heck man.

i don't know, i don't know how to, i don't know how to complete, i don't know how to complete this goddamned shit anymore!

wow, and oh that's so great.

holy shit.

OUR BABY BEAR'S BIRTHDAY

2006-07-11T12:32:00.000+08:00

guess who?

i know u all got it right - NAM NGEE!

haha, it was very fun celebrating his birthday!

we had naughty peeps pouring cold water at him man.

and my water bottle was used by them around!

crazy crazy crazy.

wild wild wild.

even alexis, our lecturer, had witnessed the whole damn messy incident.

hahaha!

i really enjoyed myself tremendously, so did everyone else!

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY, NAM NAM!

ABNORMAL-NESS

2006-07-11T10:12:00.000+08:00

my body is getting crazier.

crazier than expected.

cos i rose at 6am then i felt so refreshed but the problem is that i already planned to skip gems today at 8am.

haha.

so that means i should be waking up at 8am instead of 6am.

so i went back to sleep until 8am.

i woke up feeling like a total bitch.

weird, with more sleep, i should even be more refreshed but no.

well, i think my body had already adapted to lack of sleep.

damn.

i'm leading abnormal life of abnormal sleeping hours!

i seriously need help to get back my normal life.

can you?

FATAL ESCAPISM

2006-07-10T21:17:00.000+08:00

yes.

i'm an escapist.

i love escaping.

i'm still learning how to escape.

and i'm still escaping.

i only know learning escapism.

the art of escapism is getting more and more bewitching yet so profound to grasp its very own essence.

i believe it does exist in me.

just that i've yet to grasp the essence within me.

i don't know when i'll ever succeed.

if you don't understand what the shit i'm saying, nevermind.

just don't come persuading me outta escapism.

cos the problem is that i've stepped on the escapism path of no return.

YET ANOTHER HOILDAY

2006-07-10T14:08:00.000+08:00

i skipped school today.
hahaha.
all cos of the match.
france vs italy.
alas, the team which i had been rooting for, had lost by a mere missing penalty score.
and that team is FRANCE.
why france?!
why not the goddamned cursed italy?!
bitch.
hmmph!
i was packing up my stuffs for school and when i slipped into the warm comfort of my bed, i saw my bro's face glued to the tv.
curious, i asked him which teams are playing.
"Italy and France."
whaat?
i moved away from my bed jerkily and went closer to the tv.
ah yes!
i stayed up awake and rooted for France together with my bro.
it was only the beginning and we couldn't take our eyes off the tv.
damn.
damn exhilarating.
until the last half, the score was still 1-1.
and something had to happen.
an idiotic italian had to incur the wrath of zidane.
that made zidane headbutt that italian with his shaven iron head.
real hard.
that the weakling fell down wincing in pain in his chest.
oh holy shit.
who ever asked you to provoke zidane?!
what a jackass.
and oh yes, thank you very much for giving him a red card.
now get outta my way, you retarded jackass.
bitch.
and oh yes, henry was substituted by another player as he was tired.
ah what the heck.
the 2 key players aint in the field for the near ending last half!
that got me very anxious.
30 minutes extra time.
still no results.
penalty time.
at the second penalty turn, france played badly by missing the goal when it should have been scored!
the dented yellow-and-white ball had to fly up, hitting the top post then bounced back hard onto the ground.
it didnt touch the white line, declaring it no goal.
what the fuck?!
how can!
from there, france's morale didn't go down until italy scored the fifth penalty.
and italy had to run like mad dog, yelling in victory.
mad dogs, u didn't have to jump and run like mad dogs with rabies u know?!
u sure look like mad dogs over there, alright.
well, don't mind me snickering at italy.
i simply can't digest their undeserving victory.
it's more like france who deserves it.
zinedine zidane won't be playing for france in the next world cup.
you will always be a honour and the best representative of france in my eyes.

AGONY

2006-07-09T11:40:00.000+08:00

why

why did you ever change your stand so soon

i thought you were becoming perfect in your imperfect self

i know no one is perfect

but i'd still be happy if you were really perfect in your imperfect self

but why

why did you ever stab me in my heart

instead of showering it with love

now i'm hurt right here

trying to put my message across to you

that i don't like your ugly self

i had seen it many times

i had experienced it many times

but have i ever demanded anything from you

i know i had consumed alot of your time and money

but why

why did you put all the blame on me

and just claim that i put those godamned words in your mouth

im sorry i don't realize that

i respect your liking for brands

so you should respect my taste too

the fact you appreciate brand designs

doesn't mean that i will too

i believe one has own individual taste

but you don't seem to realize that

you knew that i don't like that brand

yet you went to all the trouble just to get that for me

i appreciate the trouble you went through

however you are "forcing" me to like that brand which you like

don't you know

i'm feeling so pressurized to grow up fast with you

that's the problem of growing up so fast with you

that's abit too fast for me

why

why can't you either slow down for me

why can't you just at least respect my taste

you claimed that if i love you i should like whatever u give me

yes, by rights i should

but the problem is that you already knew what i didn't like

yet you gave me that thing

you've put me in a very difficult position, don't you realize

what am i to say to you to please you

if i do please you, i'll be deceiving myself

which means upsetting myself

and you once said that if i'm upset, you'd be miserable too

can't you open your eyes and see

can't you sharpen your ears and listen

can't you sense it

that you really broke my heart once again after so many times

i did break your heart too but i'm already changing so much for you

why can't you do the same

u had left me lost here

alone.

DEVOTION

2006-07-08T21:24:00.000+08:00

now the feeling is back

i want it forever

it was once lost

now it came back

i don't want to let it go so easily

each second ticking away

the heart never fails to skip a beat

full of passion

the way you held my hand

the way you kissed my lips

the way you cuddled me securely in your arms

the way you gazed dreamily into my eyes

the way you always humoured me

the way you often rested your hand around my waist

the way you kissed me goodbye each time you see me home

full of affection

i will not let u slip away so easily

we share a long relationship

so intense

i can never forget all our memories

we share one life

one and same life

full of tenderness

i knew i was more than fortunate to have loved you

and i'm still loving you hard

let's continue to hold hands and walk throughout the same journey alright?

i love you darling.

TODAY SUCKS

2006-07-08T20:38:00.000+08:00

hp alarm: (vibrates at ten sharp under my pillow)

me: (head feels the strong vibration)

hp alarm: (continues to vibrate)

me: (getting irritated and took out my hp n stopped the alarm, continues to sleep)

suddenly i experience abdominal pain.

it was getting more painful.

that snapped me outta my dreamland.

what the shit.

i bent over in pain and held my breath for a few seconds before it ceased.

i got up slowly and went to toilet and tried to relieve myself but i couldn't!

the pain became more unbearable and it was killing me unmercilessly.

somehow the pain seemed to cease.

i pulled my shorts up and limped towards my bed.

i rubbed my abdomen with medicated oil and went back to sleep.

at eleven plus, i woke up feeling much better.

i proceeded as usual.

while washing up, the pain came back to haunt me.

again, i bent over and tried to relieve myself but ended up with blood on the toilet paper which i used to wipe my private part.

huh...what's that?

oh dear. my menstration had came.

no wonder.

i texted my guy, extending our appointment.

met him at 1pm.

we meant to try out fin restaurant at marina square but had yoshinoya instead.

all cos of my period.

damn.

after lunch, we did abit of window-shopping.

but i was in constant pain then.

so my guy fetched me home.

i went to sleep straight away after popping menstrual painkillers.

what a day for me.

period sucks big time.

CLARIFICATION

2006-07-08T01:43:00.000+08:00

i'm here cos i need to correct a misunderstanding of mine in my most recent previous post.

remember the hot world cup topic?

haha.

yeah man, i commented that jas hated italy.

but the fact is that she was mad at itlay for playing dirty only.

ohmygod.

i think i misunderstood her or thought wrongly while typing previous post.

haha.

and she asked me to observe my spelling and grammar.

oh no.

holy shit, is my grammar and spelling that horrible huh?

oh well.

i guess in some of my posts did have grammar and spelling mistakes.

nevermind!

who cares.

hahaha.

okay, let me extend an official apology to jas.

i apologise for creating a wrong impression of u in my blog.

and i will take notice of my grammar and spelling.

however i honestly find no mistakes with my grammar through.

but i'll admit that my spelling does suck at times.

hahaha.

and it's nearing 2am man.

oh dear.

why aint i sleeping?

i truly don't know man.

but i'm gonna sleep soon.

very soon.

MY TALKING NEWS UPDATER

2006-07-07T22:30:00.000+08:00

jas: hey why your model so small? don't seem that i'm needed.

me: whaaat? nono, i seriously need your help man.

jas: (takes a closer look)

me: (handed her the fuck model)

jas: wah! why so long like that!

me: i told you so. (laughs like a bitch)

jas: (carries it for me while i just yakked on about my latest studio news)

me: *#$^%@!

jas: what the heck?

me: nothing. anyhow say one la. hahahhaaa

oh and jas is my best friend who i've mentioned earlier on man.

had a long relationship with her since primary three.

until now.

whoooah, it means TEN years of friendship.

and we never fail to rumble almost anything under the sun.

i don't know how can we maintain our ten years of friendship.

perhaps we can really click well.

better than my guy.

nono, cant compare him to her man.

they are individually unique to me.

but hey i also appreciate my other peeps!

oh and i slept the moment i reached home around six after hanging outside with jas.

we babbled on the world cup topic.

germany, france, argentina and itlay.

and their respective players.

i was really engrossed in her conversation as she really knows quite alot about world cup updates.

haha, and yes, she's my talking news updater.

how bluntly i put it!

well cos she reads straits times almost regularly, i guess.

i aint a regular newspaper reader, actually.

haha.

and she got me in her emotional hatred for itlay and abit for argentina.

looks like a very long story but it sure got my attention.

it's like this:

germany lost to itlay COS italy played dirty what.

itlay loves feigning falls on the field.

sucks.

itlay really can't produce good actors through.

their countless attempted falls were so fake like bitch.

oh and the score between them was 0-0 for 90 minutes when extra time of thirty minutes was granted.

just when time was nearly up, itlay took advantage of germany's receding stamina and made a goal.

holy shit.

shortly after, another goddamned asshole goal was achieved by italy before timeout.

2-0.

fuck man.

and jas was really very infuriated at that.

and on top of that, friggs wasn't selected to play for germany.

the reason behind it?

italy.

itlay again.

itlay played dirty behind the scene too, by playing friggs out.

all cos of the fight between argentina and germany.

argentina was really a bad loser. (very bad)

argentina knew germany players were not as great as them.

yet argentina lost to them.

then the fight occurred and fifa happened to witness it.

yes and italy took advantage of that, showed fifa the dirty evidence of friggs fighting with an argentinan player.

so fifa had no choice but to kick friggs out.

u see, it's actually underhand means to kick friggs out before the match with germany to gain the upper hand.

simply cos friggs is a good player and he has great chemistry with ballack on the field.

i wanna condemn itlay to hell.

u aint fit to play on the field anymore.

u lost my respect.

ONE BORING DAY

2006-07-07T11:41:00.001+08:00

thirty minutes more to go.

will be meeting my best friend as she's supposed to be helping me carry my shit model.

haha.

can also catch up with her man.

and oh yes, my guy will be ending late today so no meeting up.

but i aint upset or whatever fuck.

just that there's a slight problem.

which is about spending time together with him.

usually hang out with him once every week and that's always on a saturday.

well man, i mean i got alot to settle at the moment and i hate to tell him that i cant go out on satudays.

sigh.

this week i dont think i can go out, but it totally sucks NOT going out to have fun!

I DON'T CARE. I'M GOING.

POST POST SIDE EFFECT

2006-07-07T10:31:00.000+08:00

yeah u've read correctly.

POST post side effect.

yeah that's what i'm having now man.

sigh.

i forced myself to wake up so early this morning and i really feel like a total shit.

dragged myself outta bed very unwillingly.

i dont really wanna go school.

school sucks.

bloody shit hell of life there, trust me pals.

holy shit.

there i go cursing again.

i just dont know why i just cant stop cursing here and there.

everything just suddenly sucks like a bitch.

bitch.

dont ask me anything.

alot of work to be done at the moment.

and just thinking of that idiot lecturer.

and his moronic attitude towards our attendance.

okay, i'm still at it man.

hahaha.

but really, he and his loony self.

jackass.

today features of an isolated morning in the studio.

i was late by thirty minutes.

but no one was within sight except lecturers who faithfully followed their schedules.

i walked over to them, looking at them talking to a student from 03/04.

me: (hangs around, touching and feeling the student's model)

alexis and weiling: (look at my actions)

alexis: after this, it will be your turn okay. (points to me)

me: (wondering why it gotta be me)

weiling: (smiles)

we talked on my design.

overall, i really have alot to do.

goddamned holy shit.

corridors, walls, stairs.

ohmyfuckinglygod.

what's wrong with them, u may wonder?

well, it's simple - i even dont know what's the problem.

my mind really whirling right now, full of confusion and panic.

how am i gonna sort my design out?

bitch.

they mainly focussed on my corridor which defines my simulation path.

however i have to improvise it but there's also abit too many spaces squeezed into first level.

arrrgh, what the fuck.

well, i also have to note the entrances.

where they will be at.

damn.

everything has to be re-done?!

seems like it man.

yes, it's true, i admit.

everyone seems at space planning stage.

oh and i heard that t2b will be starting soon.

really soon.

damn bitch.

i'm just idling right away now, accompanied louisa and chunmeng to co-shop.

we returned to studio just to find bee standing outside.

oh yeah, so bee finally came man.

and i thought she wasnt coming! hahaha!

right now behind me, a bunch of lazy people.

not doing any work but just hard play.

damned bitch.

dont ever ask me why.

POST SIDE EFFECT

2006-07-06T20:40:00.000+08:00

sianz.

it was damn super boring in the studio.

everyone was doing models away, they seemed taking their own sweet time.

while i just slept without knowing while reading my own blog.

beside me, was alexis's back, she was talking to terrence. charis joined them shortly after.

and it's surprising that terrence didnt have a model at all but only his cad plans as a design study.

i was just moving to his side, looking at his work in the pc.

he looked at me and started talking to me -

t: can u see what is that? (points to the pc)

me: (nods then gestures out the outline of his design pattern)

t: yeah right. u see, i'm actually struck at that. (went on to write on paper, saying that he don't know how to solve the prob of design there in the centre blah)

me: oh. i get it. yes that's the real prob. how?

t: no choice, put in outside circle path in the centre area la. (shakes his head)

me: why u never make model?

t: no.dont want.cos messy!look at my design so messy la.

me: have to la.

t: ......(keeps on gluing his eyes onto that messy design in the pc)

then he heard my phone vibrating on my workspace, told me about my phone so i moved back to my own place, saw my phone.

the caller was my guy who was waiting outside studio!

so i just looked at terrence who also happened to look.

i just ran off towards the door and brought my guy inside.

guy: gal, ready to go anot?

me: not yet la. help me pack up my model la. u spoilt my model liao.look at the broken columns! u dropped my model this morning, excuse me.

guy: oopsss sorry la.

me: (sighs)

all this while, i kept on shooting my mouth off to him abt that idiot lecturer and his goddamn ass stupid way of handling things today.

me: u know, he really too much la, he WONT take our attendance today! fine la, he got the biggest authority on earth la.fuck it la.

guy: aiyah, cmon la.

me: heh, why u never say anything to support me one!hmmph!

guy: oh please man, he aint my lecturer what!

me: oh how great.that's very great.

guy: (ignores me, kept on playing his hands around my model)

me: are you here to help me play with this shit OR pack this shit up ah?

guy: (suddenly jerks his hands away)

haha, we packed it together in the end and left that shitty model in the studio.

tomorrow i'll come school and bring it back home la.

sighz.

i reached home, fell asleep on the sofa.

my mum called me to wake up eat dinner but i just told her to stop calling me for dinner.

she left me alone.

i woke up and ate dinner at 8.

as i ate, i was very weary, dont feel like eating anymore so i just threw my dinner away.

sigh, wasted dinner like that but no mood then.

my life is so unstimulating.

RANDOM

2006-07-06T11:18:00.000+08:00

okay, i think i got alot to say here.
dont mind if i talk about ONE topic here.
and what makes it so darned hot is...that idoit Lecturer(not to mention names) you should know who...
he really too much la, he claimed that he will come by 9am.
yet he DIDNT turn up at all.
to think that some of us were even earlier than him.way way too early.
that roy once walked past me,said hi to me and -

roy: *smiles upon seeing me* hi!
me: *waves and smiles too*
me: hey roy where's tat idiot lecturer?
roy: dont know la, he sleeping now, alarm clock ring ring ring (he kept on doing big actions of moving forward jerkily) then he never wake up la! *continues to babble on while holding his phone wherever he goes*
me: *laughs hard* hahahahahaa....

and oh yeah, then my pal, chun meng arrived!
i had been waiting for him since louisa told me he was on his way to school!
haha.
i started talking to him -

me: hi chunmeng!
cm: *smiles*

we talked for awhile only, aiyah, the topic we talked about aint on that idiot lecturer la. read on for the juicy facts in our later conversation! btw, that idiot lecturer came between our own time to comment on our models.

cm: that idiot lecturer said he will come by 9am but he came late. and namngee said idiot lecturer was here by 8am, said to namngee that he will NOT take attendance to everyone, he won't bother to look at late comers' work.
me: really anot?how can like that one ah!he too much la.hopeless person!he say he wont give attendance to all, fine la.he can go do what he wants, no one will even bother his authority here what!
cm: *shocked then laughs hard* yeah la, i agree. he really too much by being like that, but look, he at least bothered to come and comment on our work. i think i will give him a chance la.
me: wah he changed so fast huh?!!
cm: hahahahhahahaaaaa....
me: HAHAHAAAAHHAHAHAAAA

okay guys, i guess that idiot lecturer might actually be nice afterall.
who knows man.
arrgh, i still cant force myself to like him after many time, dunno how many times forced myself to like him la!
eh, i'm being too bad la.
but that idiot lecturer really more bad than me la.
know why? jus read on louisa and me conversation last night -

louisa: why he incorporate architecture into interior design one!
me: really huh?! i didnt know haha?!!
louisa: yeah la true la, he got study architecture one la. he just an extra la.
me: yah lor, he always loves to be extra in DID field. what to do.aiyah, he really tooo much la.he dont know his limit!he should not be roaming around in DID when he specialises in architecture.he should go back to his hometown in architecture la.go back home la, dont roam around in DID already la. still being an extra still want to be doubly extra huh!
louisa: u ah, so bad la.hahahahhaa....
me:HAHAHAAHAHA....

okay man, i guess that's all about that idiot lecturer.
woah man, a few sneaky conversations with my fellows can really spice up my life and everyone who knows this idiot lecturer.
wow how great man.

ZZZ

2006-07-06T09:10:00.000+08:00

totally burnt out.

after a sleepless night.

it was tough but luckily i had louisa as my company.

we chatted and worked together into wee hours.

everyone was sleeping soundly while some of us the DIDs struggling away.

yeah stupid model, for goddamne sake,please dont pile up fresh workload on us everytime ok?!

i aint referring this to the reader but that someone with fishy eyes.

argh.

seems i got a grudge against him huh?

hahaha.

perhaps so, from the way i had been cursing all along.

and i'm just slouching in my seat in studio, idling away.

this feels just so right.

the feeling...

simply so darn right that u can just bask in it and savour every bit of it.

which i'm just doing right now while blogging this man.

really, believe me, if anyone does the same stuff as me, one will truly understand it the best.

u've got to experience it for yourself.

haha.

i didnt know that blogging could enable one to pour out all kinds of shitty bloody darned nonsense or almost any stuffs man.

even curses are counted too.

for vulgarities, i guess it's alright to me but not to others.

but i heck care!

hahaha.

i havent slept for more than 24 hours and i'm already feeling not so right in my body and mind.

half-dead.

nono,i'm already dead long ago...

dont come back for me.

HELLO

2006-07-06T05:23:00.000+08:00

yay!

im back man.

yeah, just done with these shitwork la.

the model not really completed but in fact, louisa said i've done more than expected.

and i heard this juicy news that most people didnt really do much.

some did only the exterior building, some didn't do exterior but simple interior stuffs.

oh well.

i had just finished clearing up the bloody mess i've created yesterday night.

i feel so happy yet burnt out.

i cant wait for this whole bullshit to end.

for good.

later on, i'll be meeting my guy who was really more than sweet to sacrifice his beauty sleep just to accompany me to sch via taxi.

u see, all cos of that godamne bloody big model.

how was i to carry it all by myself, and hire taxi same time?

haha.

go to bloody hell, model.

i really dont want you anymore...

...i'm just keeping you for the sake of someone's fishy-like eyes.

i'm already going insane. More than you'd think.

SLOGGING AWAY

2006-07-05T23:47:00.000+08:00

oh my dear.

i'm slogging away.

nono more like struggling away with this stupid holy shit.

of course, it's but that model.

scale 1:100 of the model.

means quite big to make.

i was really cutting away the godamned cardboard.

time passed pretty fast, leaving me with a painful swollen red rubbing mark on my fingers which i used to hold the pen knife tightly while cutting!

cut, cut, cut!

that's exactly what i did since tuesday night and i also glued everything.

every piece of bloody shitty walls, columns, floor slabs and stuffs.

oh how great.

i'm still at my model making man.

okay, im off to finish the rest of this shit man.

wish me luck.

i seriously need it for i'm already welcoming sleepless night.

HOLY SHIT

2006-07-04T21:27:00.000+08:00

holy shit.

who ever taught me this holy shit.

no one ever did.

well, looks like that i cant seem to tear myself away from blogging man.

and yes, i guess i've succeeded in changing my blogskin by myself man.

but hey, i still have alot to learn okay?

and i didnt delete the one which louisa created for me.

haha.

so that i can switch blogskin anytime.

haha.

okay gotta snap outta of blogging.

i believe i'll get tired of this damn blogging in time to come.

it may even become a burden to me then.

cheers to blogging!

SOMEONE PLEASE

2006-07-04T20:37:00.000+08:00

haha.

yeah, i'm back again.

was feeling super sleepy while watching tv and i havent started any work yet!

what the heck.

okay, i got no motivation to do so.

really, i seriously need someone to prompt me into doing work man.

damn.

alot of work at the moment, hanging in the air.

never compiling themselves together to an end.

waiting for ME to compile them.

and i really hate that very much.

oh thank you.

i don't need any more shit from school.

i really dont know when i'm ever gonna end this holy shit.

and be done over with this for good.

damn.

i need someone please.

I'M BACK

2006-07-04T19:09:00.000+08:00

okay man, yeah, i'm back after awhile man.

well, i must really thank my louisa for being a dear.

she helped me with my blogskin man.

well, i admit i'm a greenhorn at this kind of stuffs!

hahaha.

gotta rush off for my tv show now.

maybe will post another one later on if i feel like it.

hahaha.

MY LIFE

2006-07-02T17:10:00.000+08:00

i got 2 topics to talk for now.

let's start with yesterday.

which was a wonderful date with my guy after clearing the air with him on our relationship.

it was on the verge of parting.

we almost lost each another due to misunderstanding and his temper.

he threw his temper at me countless times until i guess it was the last straw for me last tuesday.

hence i didnt bother myself with it and him too.

i treated him like a friend.

i no longer felt upset or affected.

in the past i used to cry alot on him whenever he upsetted me.

when he learnt about it, he was very sad but it didnt bug me.

instead i kept on asking for a short break.

he claimed it would give me a chance to drift apart from him which he DIDN'T want at all.

left with no choice, i had a talk with him, a brief one but very intense.

such emotional intensity in the air.

in the end he promised to change for me and i decided to give him a chance.

since i felt it was a waste letting a 3 years of relationship go.

yes, yesterday was like a fresh date for me and him, just like a first time date.

we did whatever i wanted.

he even wanted to buy the stuffs which i fancied despite their dear prices.

but i told him no need but i could feel his love...and yes, i'm falling in love with him once again.

talking about today, it's sure a goddamne hot day man.

sweat, sweat and sweat.

well, what to do since it's mid-year man.

hahaha.

duh.

yeah, and i slept in most of the time.

woke up at 12pm, eat lunch then slept and woke up at 4pm.

ohmyfuckinglygod.

lazybones.

oh yes, and i skipped school last thur and fri!

what the heck man.

it's all cos of i overslept.

oh well, thought of taking mc but i didnt. haha.

lazybones.

hmm, so my guy was damn right about me afterall.

he claims that i love to idle man. sleep and sleep. hehe.

LOVE THIS GUY

2006-07-01T00:19:00.000+08:00

this dashing guy.

he caught my attention when i was browsin thru a library book featuring of a famous brand - Dolyce & Gabbranna.

pardon my poor spelling for the brand.

cant remember the exact spelling thru.

haha.

he's exactly my dream guy man.

oh man, how i desired for him that time.

till today, i still desire him.

he's just a model posing with a female model wearing D & G fashion.

seriously he got a hot body but i only took his face.

hahaha.

*in love with him*

NOTHING MUCH

2006-06-30T00:17:00.000+08:00

an update on my life.

zooming into how serious my problem is.

right now, i feel much better after going about my problem.

but still, it aint settled yet.

oh well, better than nothing at all man.

haha.

tomorrow got sch yet i'm just bloggin away.

just wat the heck i'm doin,

typin the words away!

seems i'm in a better mood huh?

perhaps so after all.

and oh yes, i skipped sch yesterday as i had overslept.

damn.

SORROW

2006-06-29T18:10:00.000+08:00

u know what

that you had once brought me to euphoria

that was the happiest happiness i could ever had

but alas, it had to fade away

o my dear euphoria,o my dear happiness

where are you

why won't you come back into my arms

so that i can once bask into it

together with you that is

but not at the moment

things are tense

roaming in circles, lost.

come, embrace and whisper to me

that you will be back for me.

but if you don't

then i'll bid you bon voyage.

FIRST TIME BLOGGER

2006-06-29T17:23:00.000+08:00

first time blogger.

however things aint going smoothly for me.

my life.

my love life especially.

hanging into the air.

suspended, unable to settle down.

had been haunting me since few days ago.

i truly feel so lost.

awkward.

longing to grasp onto something, anything solid to hang on.

but i simply couldnt.